Our mind seeks evidence for everything we believe. So, the question I want you to think about is this: what negative belief do you have about yourself?
When did you start believing that thought?
When we grow up, we are socialized and conditioned by our loved ones and by educational institutions. We learn to follow the rules and begin to forget what makes us happy.
One of the toughest challenges for me was in middle school. Many of my negative thoughts about myself arose during this time.
If I knew in middle school what I know now in my 50s, my life would be completely different. I would not have suffered so much because I would have known that I am not my thoughts. I would have known that my left hemisphere was a storyteller, and that whenever I believed in a negative thought that caused me emotional pain, it was a lie.
Reptile brain
All mammals have a reptilian brain which is the oldest and smallest region in the brain. The purpose of the reptile brain is to pump out your survival instinct to save your life when needed. When our sympathetic and parasympathetic system are not in balance, our survival instinct convinces us that we are not enough or that we do not have enough (and never will). We do not have enough time, money, big enough breasts, are not thin enough, smart enough or simply good enough. This little peanut pumps out fear or the feeling that something bad is about to happen.
When I was in middle school, a boy told me I was too short. This was the first time I heard this thought. I knew I was not tall, but I did not see this as a problem. When I was in 9th grade, I got a nickname that pointed this out.
I became a true believer that I was too short. This became a "story" I believed in because I never questioned whether it was true.
So here's how you can take back your mind! Learn to ask questions about every negative thought you have about yourself to find your personal freedom.
Does negative thoughts affect your relationship? Book an appointment for Couples Counselling in Arendal or by Zoom here.
The Work
Byron Katie developed a inquiry process called The Work to ask questions about what the mind thinks.
This is how it works:
Original thought: I'm too short.
Is it true? (A yes or no answer)
Yes (if I think it's true, then it is)
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
No (Compare to what right? No I cannot be 100% sure that this is true)
How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
I think something is wrong with me because they call me short. I do not have a nice body because I am too short. I'm not like the other girls. I see how jeans fit other girls with long and fine legs. I'm afraid the boys will tease me again. I lie when asked how tall I am. I just want to use high-heel shoes.
How have you lived your life with that thought?
I have been wearing high-heel shoes for more than forty plus years. I'm ashamed of my hight because I think I'm too short.
Who would you be without that thought?
I would feel comfortable in tennis or low shoes. I would have loved my body because I had no reason not to love it. My body is feminine and beautiful. It suits me perfectly.
My original thought: I'm too short.
Turn it around: I'm not too short.
Give three specific reasons why this is as true or truer than the original thought.
1. My body works perfectly as it is
2. My body looks well proportioned and beautiful
3. My body fits me perfectly!
What do you think about yourself that hurts?
Question it.
Find freedom and open your mind. Book an appointment here